Im an inner city girl. I grew up in a "not-so-fancy" neighborhood. My mom was a single parent that worked miracles to raise my brother and I. Im saying all this to say, I know the struggle and yes I know how it feels to want more for your life. Yesterday, I was listening to the radio and the show's topic was "Should women marry for money?" My answer is uh...NO.
I did some research and discovered that 40% of marriages end in divorce, and the primary cause was because of financial issues. So one would think it is smart to marry someone and not have to worry about how the bills will get paid. But what happens when your love for all things shiny and designer is the only common interest that you and your husband share?? DIVORCE.
The show referenced a new book called "Smart Girls Marry Money:How Women Have been Duped into the Romantic Dream-and How they're paying for it." I have yet to read this book, I will soon. Anyway, it's a self-help guide that authors Daniela Drake and Elizabeth Ford wrote to advise women not to marry for just love.
There are certain qualities that I enjoy in a partner. His smile (warm and inviting). His scent (sweet yet strong). Our conversation (open and honest). Am I comfortable being myself around him? Does he make me laugh? (that is a must...lol) What type of personality does he have (intelligent, outgoing, and friendly)? Yes! Yes! Yes! These are the things that I want, and if he just so happens to be financially well off, that's a plus.
Now, the inner wanna-be "rich girl" deep inside of me is screaming "you're such a hypocrite!!" I must admit that being spoiled and enjoying luxarious things, is my guilty pleasure. I do desire to one day live that lifestyle. But I will not compromise that warm, gitty feeling that I get inside when Im in love for a Gucci bag.
Because we all know that life is not always written in black and white....here's the gray area. I would like my partner to be financially savvy and ambitious. Someone who is not lazy and puts fourth an effort to enhance his finances. If he is not there yet, so be it. We will grow and build together.
When that day comes, and Im standing in front of God and the people that I love most, I want be able to enter into a union with my best friend, not a ATM Machine.
What do u think?
Good post....
ReplyDeleteI heard the same show Michael Baisden and they were really putting the concept wrong. Yes you should develop a financial strategy and sense with the person you love but to just marry someone because of their check size (after taxes) is ridiculous and they didn't make a good case for their argument or that book.
ReplyDeleteI heard that show as well! It all goes back to your perception of material things and the importance you place on them.Matthew 6:21 says" where your treasures are, there your heart will be also". Love is one of the primary reasons to get married but, it is not the only reason. Take a close look at 1 Corinthians 13, it will explain God's idea of the kind of love he had in mind when he created marriage. Money is significant.Realistically, no one wants to be broke and struggling! True love doesnt look for a divorce when times get tough, it does all it can to improve the situation, that may mean something different depending on the couple. Bottom line, We should look before we leap and most of us know the quality of the person we're dating even if we don't want to admit it. Read "Song of Solmon",(in the Bible) he was so passionately in love, he would have given up all his riches to satisfy the woman who held is heart!
ReplyDeleteKey,
ReplyDeleteI can appreciate your honesty and candor. This is a TOUGH topic to broach for both males and females. When you speak of black males in females in America, you are talking about an entirely more complex situation than most. The historic oppression that our people have faced...seems to add a bit more complexity to gender relations.
I tend to think that black males are insecure because often times they do not have the financial backing that they feel will satisfy their women. I won't attempt to say how black females think...because I really don't know. (I have my hunches...but I'm not so sure.)
Though this may sound a bit CRAZY, but I believe more War on behalf of black liberties and freedoms will bring Black Love to a place where both males and females are comfortable loving each other in spite of certain frivolous issues.
Keep writing! I'll keep reading....